Friday, September 20, 2013

She is broken, she is HIS.

I wrote this yesterday and posted it HERE, but this weeks Five Minute Friday prompt is "She". And this is me. The "she".  This fits today's prompt, though I am sorry it did take me a little longer than five minutes. I'm sorry, be gracious ;)
SHE is broken, but SHE is HIS. Of course in Christ we are whole.

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Today... this morning was crazy. Oh man, we woke up and Piglet... God bless my Piglet, she had tumbled out of the wrong side of bed. Well junk, I probably did too. As I tried to gather everyone, reel it all in, as I watched her struggle to get going. From the night before she was having a hard time. Struggling with just, life and all that was going on. She needs more time, to transition between things, it's just how she's wired. I KNOW that.  It was rough. Standing at the door while they drove off this morning I just realized how not in control I am, of course she's frazzled, I'm frazzled. I'm not talking about the we're not in control of our lives, the weather, etc type of control. I'm talking about SELF control. You know, fruit of the Spirit self control? That one. That one that I let go out the window, and welcome in frazzled stress. Because I am not grounded. I didn't fall on my knees in the throne room, I didn't put God first, I didn't drink from the cup that runs over, that is overflowing. I let myself get dried up. When will I ever learn? 
I had to stop this. This craziness. I had to get off the train. For myself, for my kids, for my husband. No more cleaning, which I was barking about earlier- "get your chores done", "empty the dishwasher", "load the dishes", empty the dryer, start a load of laundry, finish folding clothes, kicked myself for not packing lunches the night before. Just all of that. Nothing wrong with finishing/doing ALL of THAT. But all of that, and not realizing what ALL of THAT is truly for? Junk, will I ever learn. 
I'm not supposed to make the kids do their chores, I'm supposed to teach them SHOW them to love those around them, show them how to bless others, how to walk in love. I'm supposed to teach them, SHOW them that THIS is serving others, this IS a mission field. THIS is loving your neighbor as yourself.
I'm not supposed to "do all I have to get done or the house will go to the pits", I'm supposed to love on my family, bless them, and do the things I do because it honors God. It helps me show my family love, it helps me serve them. When will I die to self?
Needless to say, as everyone drove off, I felt defeated. Broken. Tired. Frustrated. Off the crazy train. No, I'm not answering texts, emails, making a collage for the spouses club, addressing envelopes for the spouses club, sweeping the floor, mopping the floor, oh the laundry is ready to go into the dryer? SO WHAT!?
 Stop the train. 
I'm getting off. 
Right then, right there. 
Because the beauty of it is that God will meet me wherever I am.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. It's a promise from His word. It is so true. 
Off the train, there's already peace. 
Take His hand, follow His lead. 
"Umm, really Lord? I'm not building walls, I have a barn that's not even torn down, I'm not building anything." (Dude, K, just shut up already.)
Just read. Just read.
Okay. I'll read, but Lord, this has nothing to do with me.
Chapter 1:1-5
The walls, the people, they are broken.
*I* feel broken today.
Nehemiah weeps, mourns, praying before the God of heaven.
VS 5 God is great. Awesome. Faithful. Merciful.
At the cross you beckon me, you draw me gently to my knees I am lost for words, so lost in love.
Sweetly broken. Wholly surrendered.
Verses 6-9
My frazzled temper.
My being selfish and not getting up earlier so I could serve my family.
My not loving my neighbor as myself.
My not putting YOU and you alone first.
Remembering God's promises.
Return to ME.
Keep MY commandments.
DO them.
"I will gather them from there, and bring them to the place which I have chosen as a dwelling for My name."
I don't care where it is, because truly, better is one day in your courts Lord, than thousands elsewhere.
Verse 10
I am already His, already a child of God.
"Now these are Your servants, and Your people, whom you have redeemed by Your great power, and by Your strong hand."
Already His.
Still His.
Broken? Frustrated? Wrong? Yes.
But still His.
God doesn't turn His back on the Israelites. He gather's them from the furthest part of the heavens. (vs 9)
Redeemed. Loved. 
Not perfect.
Verse 11
"O Lord I pray, please let your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant, and to the prayer of Your servants who desire to fear Your name... grant him (ME) mercy..."
In Christ.
Without a vision, the people perish.
Eyes focused, centered.
On Christ.

I won't go on to Chapter 2 :).
Have a blessed day, in Christ.
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